Dear Bob... From BYU fans
I heard about ESPN. Trying to take every single one of the Big 12 universities out from underneath you? What a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sacks of monkey shit are they?
Seriously, I am sorry that you are going through that.
Except I'm not sorry. Like, I'm really, really not sorry.
Here is the thing, Bob - this didn’t have to happen. Things didn’t have to end up this way. It was just five years ago that things almost weren’t this way. Do you remember that, Bob?
Just five years ago you said the Big 12 was going to expand. Do you remember who the loudest voice in the room that said you shouldn’t expand was? Yup. ESPN. They paid you not to expand. They paid you to stay at 10 teams and try to move forward in a volatile conference world. They paid you to do something that was not in the best interest of your schools or your conference. And you accepted that like there was nothing wrong with that.
And now you send a cease a desist letter to ESPN to stop them from doing things behind your back? Come on, Bob. You know that’s not going to do anything.
You paid consultants to tell you that expanding would improve your chances at the college football playoff and that it would increase your revenue.
But you ignored them.
You petitioned the NCAA to change the rules to allow yourselves to have a conference championship game with just 10 teams in your conference. They listened and you got your way.
You called BYU and nine other schools ‘finalists’ in your expansion hunt. We presented information to you, had video calls, and jumped through all of the hoops you asked us to. WE MADE POWERPOINTS, BOB!
And what happened in the end? You sent a memo to the Big 12 talking heads that included the ‘dos and don’ts’ of talking conference expansion.
It was pathetic, Bob. You thought you had the upper hand. You thought you were the bully on the playground. But, Bob, you were really just being played by ESPN the entire time.
Now you are in a position where your two cash cows have left. Boomer Sooner and Bevo aren’t coming back, Bob. Your eight remaining subjects are nervous and think that you don’t have the fortitude to lead them into the future. West Virginia is flirting with the ACC. Kansas is suddenly an attractive commodity. The American (the same American that you embarrassed and mocked with your pathetic expansion charade five years ago) is now poaching from your playground.
Now you have discussed the possibility of calling us back and inviting us to join your on the Titanic as you cruise into the future.
But here is the thing - Your future is no better than our’s, Bob. You aren’t the bully on the playground. You don’t have the upper hand. In fact, you are on shakier ground today than we are.
BYU can survive without you and we have been proving that for decades. Yes, Bob, decades. You spurned us in 2016, sure. But your predecessors spurned us in 2010 and again in 1993. But you weren’t any better than us. You were just Texas and Oklahoma’s whipping boy until they found someone better.
We have a contract with ESPN, Bob. They believe in us. What does ESPN do to you? They try to tear you apart and take you down.
Good luck, Bob. You have been the apple of our eye for many years. But now? We’re all kind of enjoying watching you scramble.
We'll see you in Waco, Bob. Well, if you can find a ticket. With us coming to town, we hear they are hard to come by.